Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Bad Hair Day

I don’t know about you, but I HATE what they do to my hair at the salon. I go in looking like a regular person, and I come out like this:

I firmly believe that hair should not be shellacked to one’s head. The only reason I escape the salon without helmet hair is that my chart (OMG, they have charts at the salon?!) says, “NO PRODUCT” in big red letters on it. Why do I go to this salon if I fundamentally disagree with their styling methods? Because they do a darned good cut. It’s a massive improvement over just a year ago when I used to cut my own hair using craft scissors and a hand mirror. Don’t try that one at home, kids.

It’s not like this is the only salon that styles my hair into an architectural statement instead of a fashion statement. I’ve been to at least ten hairdressers who have great talent for cutting, but not a single idea of what do to with my hair once it’s cut. My hair is baby fine. And there’s not a lot of it. After my twin died, it fell out in clumps from the stress. Some grew back, but a lot of the little buddies I call hair follicles simply gave up.

What hair I’ve got is great. It has natural curl that improves with moisture. But here’s the key – it is completely deflated by the overuse of a hairdryer or hairbrush. No matter how much I beg them to drop those implements of tress torture, the hairdressers insist on giving me a “blow out” hairdo that flops out by the time I get home. I look like Christian Siriano from Project Runway crossed with Macaulay Culkin from Home Alone.

To quote Christian, "It’s a hot mess."

To quote Macaulay, "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Anyhoo, if I don’t like what the coiffeurs do to my hair on a regular basis, why would I let them style my hair on my wedding day?! I’m going to do it myself. And I’ll save a buck or two in the process. Hooray for choices that are stylish and fiscally responsible! Boo to tragic wedding hair!

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