Opposites Attract

After my bout of mischief at the premarital counseling required by our Church, I came to our final counseling meeting on my best behavior. It was yesterday, and the point of the meeting was our Myers-Briggs personality inventory scores.

I find myself wondering why we get these scores so late in the wedding planning process. Wouldn’t you think that incompatibility would be best learned sometime before the 50-day final countdown? And at first blush, we sure looked incompatible.

There are four elements to the Myers-Briggs test, and we only shared one. We’re both planners. In case you hadn’t noticed from this wedding planning blog.

But we’re opposites on the other three elements. I’m a feeling, intuitive extrovert, and the Mister is a thinking, sensing introvert. Ruh-roh.

Our premarital counselor didn’t bother to do more than explain the elements of the test, so I did a little online research to find out what our scores meant. Why did we feel so good together if we were so very different?

I learned that we have a duality relationship, which is summarized as the most favorable and comfortable of all relationships between personality types. One article I saw even said that duality relationships provide “complete psychological compatibility.” Whew! Here’s more:

Dual partners are like two halves of a whole unit. They usually understand each other’s intentions without any need to say a word. Your dual partner will naturally protect your weak points and appreciate the strong ones. Interaction with your dual allows you to be yourself without the need to adjust to your partner, like you would in other relationships. This often saves both partners a lot of energy which they can use for their own interests. Conflicts between duals are very rare and if there are any, they are normally short-lived and solved without pain. Your dual partner will love you just for what you are, and if there is such a thing as true love, it usually occurs in relations of duality.

There are at least two conditions to be completed for a successful relationship between duals. First, between the partners there has to be at least a minimal mutual attraction. Second, and most important, the partners must truly strive for the same or similar things. This may include common interests or life goals. In other words, two halves of the same whole must not move in the different directions, or the whole will break into pieces.

No wonder being with the Mister feels so very right. And why I feel, for the very first time in a relationship, that I can be myself, and he’ll appreciate me just as I am (and vice versa!). Since we share common interests, common life goals, and (a lot!) more than “minimal mutual attraction,” I now understand why we’re so well suited for each other.

I guess opposites really do attract.

Amen, Sara!

Sara, over at 2000dollarwedding posted a fabulous rant about wedding hysteria. You'll have to head on over there if you want to read the whole thing, but here's an excerpt:

Dear David's Bridal,

For a large number of people, planning a wedding is not easy. Of course there is excitement and eager anticipation, but there is also a lot of anxiety.

Some of us are anxious about how to plan ideal weddings that fit within our budgets. . . . Some of us worry about hurting other peoples' feelings . . . . Some of us wonder why it is that we find ourselves thinking about our weddings ALL THE DAMN TIME even though we are perfectly rational beings with many, many passions beyond the scope of our weddings.

As you can see, the wedding planning community has enough pressure as it is. David's Bridal, we do not need to hear subtle statements from you that serve to increase our anxiety, such as this statement from a recent press release: "Amidst troubling economic times, a wedding is still the most important day in a couple's life."

Yes, a wedding is a great day in a couple's life. It is meaningful and memorable. But it is not--by any stretch of the corporate imagination--the Be-All-End-All of our lives. A wedding is a wonderful opportunity to proclaim and celebrate our love and commitment, but it commemorates an official beginning, not an end. We have many opportunities ahead of us for "important" days in our lives as a couple. . . . [T]his isn't our one chance to have our most important day.

Amen, Sara!

"Hello, self. It's me, Jules."

It’s official. I am ready for the wedding. Not because all the projects are finished, but because the wedding has taken over my life.

If my mind were a computer (and believe me, it’s not), the wedding would be a program running in the background at all times -- with hundreds of popup messages per day. I am able to get everything else done, but it’s almost as if all of those other responsibilities revolve around the center of the universe. Which is The Wedding.

What did I think about before I was contemplating centerpieces over every lunch break? What did I do with my time when I wasn’t making invitations and programs and bridesmaid gifts and writing welcome letters and toasts and vows and day-of timelines?

I. Completely. Forget.

I used to think of myself as a person. But the wedding industrial complex has nearly redefined my identity to: BRIDE. Nearly, but not quite entirely. Which is how I’m able, through my remaining scrap of self-awareness, to see a glimmer of the Jules I was before the wedding. The person I still am, under layers and layers of tulle.




And if I’m overwhelmed with this Event-with-a-capital-E, imagine how it’s affecting the Mister. Here’s an excerpt from a conversation I had with Mama last week:

Mama: “The wedding doesn’t stress me out. Now Mr. Mama’s retirement – THAT stresses me out.”
Jules: “You live with Mr. Mama’s retirement.
You don’t live with the wedding. The Mister does.”
Mama: “And he still wants to marry you?! He must really love you.”

This is why they say to have a short engagement. Eighteen months is waaaay too long for my crafty mind to contemplate all of the possible wedding details I can arrange to perfection. Enough already!

So we’ve planned a wedding-free day this Saturday. We won’t be checking the mailbox for RSVPs; we won’t be making darling little wedding crafts; we won’t practice our first dance or edit our song list or review the budget. It’s not really about reconnecting with each other; we’ve remained very close through all this creative chaos. It’s really about reconnecting with ourselves.

"Hello, self. It's me, Jules."

Receiving Lines are Like Lawyers

Miss Manners says that the bride and the groom must greet every guest at the wedding. When you have invited a jillion people, however, it’s pretty doggone difficult to figure out a way to greet everyone in a sincere but efficient way.

The Mister and I would like to enjoy the reception, which means enjoying our guests. It does not, however, mean being cornered at the reception by Crazy Aunt Talksalot, who wants to tell us all about her hemorrhoids. We want to be hospitable and gracious, but we also want to have a moment or two to enjoy the day and to eat our own dinners. (I get grouchy when I don’t eat, which would lead to me telling Aunt Talksalot where to stick her hemorrhoids, if you know what I mean.)

As far as I can tell, there are five basic options to greet the guests:
1. A traditional receiving line, with parents and the bridal party included.
2. Just the bride and the groom at the back of the ceremony, greeting guests.
3. Reentering the ceremony to release the rows of guests one by one.
4. Going around from table to table at the reception.
5. Randomly seeing people at the reception, without any plan to get to everybody.

My entire experience at weddings involves waiting to greet the bride and groom. Whether it’s in a receiving line at the ceremony, being released by rows, or searching the dark reception for a flash of white dress, this waiting seems to take forever. I will admit that forever is slightly more bearable when I’ve got a canapé in my mouth and a glass of wine in my hand, but forever it is. The Mister and I didn’t know what to do.

So we took a poll of friends and family. What did they do? How long did it take them? What would they do differently? Here’s what I learned.

Receiving lines are like lawyers. People hate lawyers, but they love their own. Most people looooved whatever method they used at their own weddings, and they haaaated every other method that anyone else has ever tried.

There were a few exceptions, however. Several people who went table to table at the reception did not have a chance to eat dinner or enjoy the party. They wished that they had used option 1, 2, or 3. These are the people who got corned by Aunt Talksalot. And Uncle Gripey.

If only we could combine the concepts – instead of communion, we could serve canapés and real wine (rather than the crangrape juice I swear our church serves). “This bruchetta is the body of Christ, and by the way, we loved the toaster!” But I digress. Into blasphemy.

Here’s our decision. We are NOT doing option #1. People want to see us, and briefly. All four of my parents have the gift of gab, and if they were included in the receiving line, we’d be there until my next birthday. We are NOT doing option #5. I’m sure it works very well when you have a small or medium sized wedding, but at a biggun, it’s well nigh impossible. Besides, we want to make the effort affirmatively to thank each person for coming.

If it’s sunny, we’ll stand at the back of the ceremony to greet guests as they head outside to wait for our grand getaway. That way, if they are dying to go to the bathroom (or just don’t really want to say hello to us), they can slip out of the receiving line to do what they’ve gotta do. If it’s raining, however, we need a place for people to congregate out of the elements. That’s in the back of the ceremony where we would do the receiving line on a sunny day. So if Mother Nature doesn’t cooperate, we’ll reenter the ceremony to release the rows. That way, people can remain seated until we get to their row, so they’ll be more comfortable.

For those of you who were rooting for option #4, may I make a suggestion? A few well-chosen items from your hotel mini bar would recreate the canapé-and-wine feeling you’d get while waiting to see us at the reception. And if you don’t want the procedure to take forever, leave your hemorrhoid stories at home. (wink!)

(P.S. The picture in this post is of a branch of the Mister's family. His beloved grandfather is third from the left, no doubt thinking that wedding photos take even longer than receving lines.)

If the Shoe Fits

I saw this woman on the elevator this morning wearing a shoe that was barely hanging on to the tips of her toes, leaving not just a peek of toe cleavage, but about an inch of . . . crack. I don’t know about you, but I think toe cleavage is kind of . . . ucky. What’s toe cleavage, you ask? Well it’s the partial exposure of a woman's toes in shoes that are cut low on the vamp.


It’s not that I think it’s sleazy to show one’s toes – I love sandals and bare feet. There’s just something about a person’s toes peeking out from a shoe that makes me think of an undergarment that’s too tight to cover all the relevant areas. Or of the wicked stepsister who sliced off part of her foot to try to jam into Cinderella’s glass slipper.

I know, I know. Stacy and Clinton from What Not to Wear are all about the pointy-toe shoes, because they make one’s legs look longer. But shouldn’t a shoe be more than tangentially attached to one’s foot? Some shoes these days look like foot-binding torture devices. Surely we’re all more enlightened than that!

And even cute little ballet flats have gotten in on the act.

This reminded me of the shoes that a well-meaning relative sent me in the mail to try for the wedding. They were so cute in the box, but the revealed too much toe when I tried them on. So I found another pair to wear.

What about you girls? Showy toes, or no?

Mirror, Mirror

Speaking of circles, for the preppy bride who’s into glam and polka dots, what about using lots of small glass mirrors on the table, instead of a single large mirror under a centerpiece. They’re uber cheap at craftsuppliesforless (like, less than 12 cents each!), and while they don’t fit in with the clean lines we want for our centerpieces, they could be right up someone’s alley. Imagine something like this, but with silvery mirrored polka dots, shimmering in candlelight:

It seems everyone is thinking crystals for glam these days. But what about a good old-fashioned mirror? I mean, can you GET more glamorous?

You can even get a vintage feel by using Krylon's looking glass paint. It simulates gorgeous old mercury glass. Check it:

How about a "Looking Glass" or "Through A Glass Darkly" theme? Ah, the possibilities . . . .

Found Romance

Check out this loveliness! A curtain of circles made from dental floss and sticky white office labels, courtesy of craftstylish. This would make a fantastic romantic decoration for a wedding, no?

Here’s how you do it: Stick a circle on the dental floss. Stick another circle to the first circle, sticky sides together. Repeat.

Or, you could add a little romance to your boudoir! How about with heart stickers for Valentine's day? Or just different shades of red and pink? Get creative! Romance is just a trip to the office store and a trip to the medicine cabinet away.