Sing, Dance, and Speak French

Has anyone else watched “Platinum Weddings” on the We channel? I TiVoed several episodes, and watched my own marathon today. The first wedding I saw had gorgeous tall centerpieces at the reception that look like this:

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The next wedding’s centerpieces looked like this:

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And the next:

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That’s when I realized why they don’t air the shows back to back to back. All the weddings look the same. They all have the “sexy lounge area,” the old Hollywood glamour theme, the ice sculpture, the caviar/lobster/raw bar, the hanging crystals . . . . Several even have the very same chargers on the tables.

Can most of the guests really tell if the bar costs $6,500 or $65,000 (which was the actual cost in one of the episodes!)? Not after the first two drinks, anyway. With $30,000 to spend on flowers, isn’t there something a bit different out there? As Mama says, “For that price, they should sing, dance, and speak French.”

The show certainly is a refreshing change from the horror of Bridezillas (which I also guiltily TiVo). But a source of innovative ideas it is not. I’ll stick with the real gals on weddingbee, a practical wedding, and snippet and ink, thanks very much. And when I’ve got a little hankerin’ for bedazzled, bejeweled, b’expensive weddings, I’ll watch Platinum Weddings. In moderation.

For now, I’m all blinged out.

Office Depot Centerpieces

The previous two posts detail the personal flowers we'll be using for the wedding. So far, our floral budget consists of four flowers for the mothers and some floral tape. Dats it. "But we still have the ceremony and reception to decorate!” you say. And you’re right.

The ceremony will be held in the church where I was baptized, confirmed, served as a deacon, and am still a member. Fortunately, it’s beautiful on its own.

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Helloooo, Gorgeous! Even better, they provide a lovely white floral arrangement at the front of the church. And they’ll let us use their wrought iron candle holders that go at the end of each pew. Sure, I could decorate the church further, but why gild the lily? I can’t remember anything different about the ceremony décor of any wedding I’ve ever seen in a church. ‘Nuff said.

But surely we must have floral centerpieces for the reception! Not so much. The Mister and I love the way that candle centerpieces look on the tables – warm and inviting and intimate. So I started brainstorming ways to make the candle centerpieces uniquely ours. We wanted the centerpieces to do double duty by informing guests of the table names and numbers.

I’m really jazzed about the table names! Based on our love of all things British, and the fact that I used to live in London, we are naming the tables after central London tube stops. Westminster. Covent Garden. Tottenham Court Road. Piccadilly! I’m all excited just typing the names! Makes me want to sip a cuppa Earl Grey while humming “God Save the Queen.” Mind the Gap! And whatnot.

By the way, does anyone else love that the Brits *actually* say “whilst”? Like, “Whist I was washing the dishes . . . .” It makes even the most mundane thing seem just a smidge fancy.

I love the silhouette trend, so whilst I was designing the centerpieces, I incorporated chandelier silhouettes into the design to add an elegant graphic element to the table numbers. Enough talk! Here’s the eye candy:

Sorry for the blurry photos. Time to get a new camera!

Here's how to make one: (1) Print your design on paper. (2) Wrap paper into a cylinder and secure with double stick tape. (3) Put battery operated candles or throwies inside the cylinder. (4) Well, there is no fourth step. That’s it, folks. Couldn’t be easier. If you want to use real candles, you should wrap the paper around a glass cylinder, so the paper doesn’t catch on fire. (You know my fear of fire at weddings.)

We’re using two on each table, a big luminary made on 11x17” paper with our table name, number, and the chandelier graphic that Mrs. Flamingo at weddingbee so graciously gave me, and a smaller one made on 8.5x11” paper with another chandelier design in reverse. We’ll put multiple lights in each luminary. If that’s not enough light, we’ll also do individual luminaries wrapped around single candles with candelabra silhouettes. Here’s an assortment:

The best part is that they can be made in advance, using regular old copy paper from the office supply store. Lots of visual drama for notta lotta moolah.

Anybody else shopping at Office Depot for their centerpieces? (Wink.)

Backyard Bouquet

Remember the 80's? Poofy sleeves, giant shoulder pads, and gargantuan bouquets dripping with flowers? Brides had to have a special plastic handle to support those heavy bouquets. I get carpal tunnel just by looking at pictures of 'em. Dramatic and interesting, but not quite my style.

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I’d like to carry a small bouquet of lilies of the valley. They are delicate and sweet and represent a return to happiness. And they’re sometimes called Jacob’s Ladder (my twin brother’s name). I used to pick them from the yard for my mother to put in tiny vases. My grandmother (Pop’s mom) used to wear lily of the valley perfume.

But they're so danged expensive! It costs a gazillion dollars to order them from a florist, because they are flown in from New Zealand. I may not be having an uber-green wedding, but that seems like a lotta jet fuel for a little bouquet. What happened to the days when people would go into their gardens and pick flowers for their bouquets? They were local and beautiful and meaningful and . . . wait! My super neighbor has lilies of the valley growing right next to her house right at the time I'm getting married! Super Neighbor to the rescue!

So, I asked her if I could collect them the day before the wedding. (No, I'm not going to dress like the hamburgler and sneak over to mow down her prize garden! Shame on you for thinking such a thing!)

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She said yes! Right after I pick them, I'll condition them in water so they won’t wilt, and then I'll wrap them up for my own sweet little posy.

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If some freak frost destroys the crop of lilies, I’ll just roll with it. I have a tiny Bible that my Mama gave me when I was a little girl that I’ll happily carry. Remember, I’m not putting pressure on this wedding to be perfect, so whatever happens will be wonderful.

I know that a lot of people do their own wedding flowers using grocery stores or floral wholesalers. Anyone else out there doing their own flowers out of their backyard?

Next up: the ceremony and reception decor.

Fleurs

I love flowers, but I don’t love that most flowers delivered by florists are grown halfway around the world, then flown in at a very high cost, not just to the end consumer, but also to the environment. Holy carbon footprint, Batman! So I started thinking about ways to reduce the monetary and environmental cost of our wedding flowers.

First I started with the boutonnieres. I mean, how hard can those little babies be to mess up?! I checked Martha Stewart’s wedding videos out of the library, and watched all the floral parts. One thousand eight hundred sixty-two and three-quarters hours later, I got up off the couch, went to the grocery store, bought some rosemary, wrapped it up with some pussy willow branches, and in less than sixty seconds ended up with this:

I put it in a bag in my fridge just to see how long it would hold up. Five months later, it still looked great. I must have bought some bionic rosemary.
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I like what I created, but I want it to be a smidge less vertical, so I’ll incorporate some other local greenery when the wedding rolls around, like boxwood (from Mr. Mama’s front porch) and some tiny succulents, like hens and chickens (which might just be Pop’s favorite plant). Easy-peasy.

We’ve got two women walking in the processional (one is my MOH, the other is the Mister’s groomsmaid), and I contemplated giving them flowers. But if my MOH has a bouquet, to whom will she hand it when she fluffs out my train? My other attendant is a man. (In fact, we call him my Mantron of Honor, because if there are maids and matrons, there should be mans and mantrons, no?) While he’s masculine enough to get away with holding a bouquet for part of the ceremony, it seems unnecessary. The female attendants may carry books that reflect their feelings about the day. Perhaps a Bible and a collection of Jane Austen novels – whatever they like.

Which brings us to the darling mothers. I asked them all what white flower they’d like for us to present to them at the ceremony. Mrs. Pop picked a white gardenia, which she carried at her wedding to Pop. Mama picked a white calla lilly, which represents simple beauty to her. The Mister’s grandmother selected a classic white rose. And Momma Mac picked a peony . . . a pink peony! I don’t think she saw the part of my email asking which *white* flower she’d prefer. And, to be perfectly honest, I don’t give a hoot whether all the flowers match. If a pink peony she wants, a pink peony she shall have! I may have to order these flowers from a florist, which will have an environmental impact. But it is a much smaller impact than most wedding flowers, and I think it’s worth it. Flowers make them happy. And it’s only four flowers. I’m cool with it.

Next up: My bouquet!

The VETO! Dun dun dun!

So . . . there’s been a bit of confusion about my tongue-in-cheek discussion of the Mister’s “limited veto power.” Let me assure you, readers, that the Mister is involved in this wedding shindig – probably more involved than he would really like. We discuss every detail, and we make the decision on each one together. I’m more of the brainstormer, bringing him ideas to accomplish our shared vision, whereas he generally gives me a “thumbs up” or “thumbs down” on the ideas I ‘storm up.

Sometimes, we’re immediately on the same page, and he wholeheartedly agrees with my ideas. Most often, he tweaks my concepts, and we agree that the result is better than what either of us could have dreamt up alone. Other times, I come up with something crazy, and he looks at me dubiously while I try to convince him of the idea’s merit. Then there are the rare times when I come up with somethin’ that he hates, and that’s when he uses . . . “the veto.” The big “V” is just his way of telling me in no uncertain terms that he hates my idea. I suppose we call it a veto because it’s a funny, non-threatening way to shortcut to the end result of what would otherwise be a long conversation.

The best example of how he used the “V” was on the wedding music. I got it in my head that we should have an iPod reception. It’s modern and technological and free! But the Mister had always envisioned having a deejay or band, and the idea of an iPod manned by a friend made the reception feel cheap to him. He was also worried that the technology would fail, like what happened at Mrs. Tulip’s reception. So, we decided together to hire a deejay. End of story. No drama-filled yell-fests. Just a nice conversation where we compromised.

I guess “veto” is a bit of a misnomer, but the Mister and I still like it. It makes me think of Schoolhouse Rock:

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I’m just a bill. Yes I’m only a bill. And I’m sittin’ here on Capitol Hill. (wink)

When Butterflies Attack Part III

Now that you’ve read When Butterflies Attack Parts I and II, which focus on the music that will be played while our guests are NOT throwing things at us, here is the exciting conclusion to the story, which will focus on what the guests will hold (but NOT! throw) during the getaway.

By the way, does anyone else love calling the newlyweds’ exit from the church “the getaway”? It conjures up images of a bank stickup by a gang of hooligans, the dumbest of whom is waiting in the getaway car to whisk the other robbers away from the police. Of course, the driver hasn’t left the car running, so he has to try to start it several times once his co-felons jump in. Once it’s started, it runs out of gas halfway to the safehouse. Man, I hope that doesn’t happen on my wedding getaway. Note to self: check gas gauge on getaway car; hire smart driver.

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OK. I’m back from my 1970’s movie flashback. I want something cute for the guests to hold during the getaway. Some folks have suggested ribbon wands, which are a great idea! They kind of look like the streamers that people throw off cruise ships when they depart. I have some trouble, however, imagining my future father-in-law waving a ribbon wand around like a princess. I wanted something that was a little more unisex, while still being whimsical.

We’re getting married in the breezy spring, and so I decided on . . . pinwheels!

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I realize that not everyone gets as excited about pinwheels as I do. But they’re so fun and childlike, and they’ll send us off to our reception in a whirlwind of springy laughter. Perfect. Also, the Mister had already exercised his limited veto power on the getaway by banning ukuleles, so he just had to let me have my pinwheels, right? Right!

The other thing I love about pinwheels is that they can be personalized to match your wedding colors. You just cut out squares of the color paper you want, cut some small slits in the squares, fold up the paper, and pop it on a stick.

Martha Stewart’s website was the starting place for my pinwheel how-to, but she recommends using a wooden skewer or dowel rod as the stick. I tried that, and it was really hard to get the pin into the wood. My fingers looked like a pincushion! Yowch! That’s when I hit upon the idea of using a pencil. That’s how we used to do it in grade school. You can personalize pencils for your wedding, which would make a great little mini-favor for the guests when the pinwheel has lost its whimsy. I’m thinking of putting something like, “Write your own love story!” on the pencil. What do you think?

Anyway, here’s the how-to:

Cut a square of paper to the size you'd like your pinwheel to be (the ones I made range from 3 to 6 inches). Fold each square in half, diagonally, and in half again (also diagonally), then unfold. Cut along each crease two-thirds of way to square's center, dividing each corner into two points. Bring every other point to center so points overlap.

Poke a map pin through center, and kind of squidge it around a bit to make the hole bigger than the pin (so the pinwheel will rotate). Thread a small bead onto pin behind the wheel, and poke the pin into the pencil eraser. It works best if you poke the pin into the eraser down at a slight angle, so that the metal part that holds the eraser onto the pencil stops the pin from going all the way through the eraser. That way, you have no sharp ends sticking out.

Blow on the pinwheel and watch it rotate. Giggle. Repeat.

Here's a mockup, using paper printed with our vows on one side, and a circle design on the other. You like?
I realize that it is still highly unlikely that my future father in law (or any of the male guests, for that matter) will be waving a pinwheel during our getaway. And I’m OK with that. I just want one uber-cute, daydreamy, innocent, uncomplicated, silly little thing at the ceremony.

Pinwheels. Hooray!

When Butterflies Attack Part II

Ok, so now that we’ve established that our ceremony getaway can’t involve projectiles or flames, it’s time to chat about what it will involve.
My first thought was kazoos. Seriously. (Wow – I never thought I’d use the words “kazoos” and “seriously” right next to each other. That’s weird.)

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Anyway, kazoos are fun and silly and just what people need to let loose a little. But they’re kinda expensive for about thirty seconds of use. Also, have you ever been trapped in a car with a five year old and a kazoo for any period of time? It’s torture. Since I do have friends with kids, into whose hands the kazoos will inevitably fall, I nixed that idea.

Next I thought about ukuleles. Seriously.

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There’s a group of school-aged kids who play in an awesome ukulele band in my town. They’re really upbeat and fun. Unfortunately, I have given the Mister limited veto power over wedding decisions, and he chose to exercise it on the ukulele band. I mean, where is his sense of adventure and folly for heaven’s sake?! Also, the uke band was a tad expensive for thirty seconds. So I couldn’t really put up a fight on the veto.

What do kazoos and ukuleles have in common (other than the obvious fact that someone utterly insane thought of using them at a wedding)? They’re both noisy! (Am I the only person who likes tap better than ballet, because it’s noisy?) So! If I could come up with something loud that would not offend the Mister’s delicate sense of wedding suitability, we’d both be happy.

Enter . . . the bagpipes! Talk about LOUD! And they have the added benefit of jiving with our shared Scottish heritage. Our Presbyterian church has its own Scottish heritage, so they practically have a bagpiper on retainer. She (yes, SHE!) is a talented cute lass who agreed to play something upbeat for us as we run from the church to the getaway car.

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But I was worried – without something to throw, would the wedding guests feel cheated? Should they have something to hold to make our escape more festive? Tune in to our next installment for the shocking conclusion of When Butterflies Attack . . . .